Communication is an art form if the truth is spoken and a weapon of mass destruction if lies are created. Note I said “lies are created”. You don’t have to tell an outright lie for a deception to be perpetrated. It’s an interesting side effect of less than truthful communication, but I digress, I want to talk the art form, not the various ways communication can be used to manipulate and deceive.
There is nothing quite as joyful as talking with a person that is truthful in both words and intent. All the learned communication devices I learned growing up get thrown out the window. I don’t have to ‘figure out’ what is really being said, because what is said is exactly what is meant. The sheer freedom from figuring out the hidden code is exhilarating for me.
I grew up hyper-vigilant. Yes, that is an actual condition. Some children [like me] learn to read the hidden code of their parents to figure out when it is safe and when there is danger. Children like me become hyper-vigilant so we can rush to prevent an upset. It’s a stressful existence, and figuring out the code is paramount to success. Is that sigh weariness or approaching anger? Is the house clean enough? Are all the chores done to her satisfaction? Is that a look of praise or disappointment in her eyes? All of these little things go into figuring out the code, and the code must be deciphered in order to survive.
Children carry this into adult life. Everything has hidden meaning. All communication has to be run through a cypher and studied for real meaning and intent. It’s quite frankly exhausting, and mostly I give up and take long breaks wherein isolation is my best friend because I don’t have to figure out the hidden code.
So, given this condition, you can imagine how much I enjoy the frankness of someone who tells me the truth. No hidden codes. No agenda other than the stated one. Nothing to do but listen and understand what I hear. The absolute freedom from stress is amazing, and at this point I am now sure that the open communication is 100% responsible for my lack of headaches and neck strain. I’ve been so relaxed over these past few years. Amazingly so considering that since childhood I don’t think I ever relaxed at all. [A side effect of hyper-vigilance I’m told.]
This kind of communication isn’t just a wonderful character trait. Well, it is a wonderful character trait, but it also requires not just the truth but an artful use of words so that the truth doesn’t become a blunt force weapon. This is where the art comes into play. How to tell the truth without putting people off or making more problems for yourself than solutions. I’ve seen people who are blunt and to the point, but the artful use of words eludes them and all they have in life is a reputation for being a bitch or a bastard. Which is a shame because people who tell the truth are valuable and should be treasured, but often aren’t unless they are skilled orators.
But when you have a close and intimate relationship with someone who is both truthful and skilled in communication, you have perfection. I can’t even express how much I value this in my relationships. Every word is a joy. Every topic engaging even when it is sad or difficult because you know the person on the other end of the communication is engaged and willing to “talk” honestly. It encourages me to talk more openly and not run and hide, which in turn only adds more trust to the entire relationship.
Talking to someone who knows how to be in a conversation is as lovely as being made love to, only it is with the soft caress of words spoken truthfully. For me, it is like putting my childhood of stress far, far behind me and I can finally look forward and not backwards. The effects of artful communication so far reaching that I’m in awe of the possibilities for the future
